Cabernet Lazarus, 2

Interview with Cabernet Lazarus

MP:

Excellent. This is great stuff. It really struck me the "eat and wait" bit, like a waiting meditation. I wonder if you could go more deeply into what it means for you to wait. Is this patience and a resistance to pushing to make things happen... allowing versus forcing? Also, in your walking meditation that helps you to get "right sized" is there an element of thought-slowing or mind-emptying going on, and is it a very deliberate conscious walking... or just walking?

Cabernet:

The eat and wait: They are actually separate ideas– but also the same, in that the messages are small and un-grandiose. The eating is doing the basics for my body, which do help my mind to not miss any salient points. The waiting is an acknowledgment that I don't have all the answers, or even a lot of good ones, and must wait for it. I've heard it as "don't just do something, sit there!" Yes, it is a ceasing of trying to force solutions. I love the idea of doing the next right thing, but if I don't know what that is, it's ok to stop and wait for a sign.

This kinda brings me to the idea of surrender. I think it is impossible to do this kind of practice w/out a sense of surrender. To whom?– I haven't the foggiest! Nor do I think it really matters– maybe just to the idea that when I reach inside I will find something of deeper value/wisdom than I could conceive of. So, I trust that when I wait I will get the next plan. But it may not happen when I want it to, on my time-line. Surrender goes hand-in-hand with letting go of the outcome, no?

MP:

I love your eating AND waiting explanation. Waiting is so difficult to do for a number of reasons, for example the external pressure from others who will consider you waffling, indecisive, unmotivated, holding up the line, bottle-necking the process, and on and on. Especially in relationships with partners who do not take the same approach.

This feels like a good place we have come to, and yet I have at least one more question. I am curious as to how you can tell, after having waited, what is right. How does the right way feel to you and where do you feel it. Are there images, thoughts, or is it some other sense of knowing "this is it"?

Cabernet:

When in doubt, don't. So, I guess that means that somehow that doubt is removed. I guess I try to learn to follow my own beat. I'm not visual, in that I don't get images in my mind that inspire me one way or the other. I think I must "get" some kind of clarity, the answer just sits well. Will the important people in my life, the ones who love me, stop loving me if I take too long to make a decision– if I waffle– if I'm...unmotivated???? Course not!

I like to think that my serenity is more important than what others think of me, way more important. Not that I excel all the time, but this is what I strive for. In some cases I will say, give me a couple of hours/days to come up with an answer. People seem to respond to that well, makes them feel like they are not just hanging out there.

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