Doreen Connors, 2
Interview with Doreen Connors
What I'm getting here is a great sense of contentment. No meditation practice is sought out because you carry it with you into these circumstances-- no one posture or form gets you any closer for you feel you are already there-- that the space in you cannot be bettered by what you might do. Is that right?
Yes! [and "along the way" I never practiced a practice. One thing led to another, always.] Intuitively or spontaneously the act of knitting (one thing which I love to do) created some kind of "result", so to speak. The main ingredient I see throughout it all...the thread that pulls it all together is discovering the things I love to do (including "doing nothing)– and realizing that none of those things requires a "thinking process." [and included in that, there is no value to society in these endeavors that are born of Love]
So correct me if I am wrong but you engaged in doing nothing (or non-doing) either deliberately or simply by falling into it and out of that organically you simply find yourself engaged in various activities not requiring a thinking process? I am curious as to whether you consciously or deliberately did nothing? How did you manage this paradox if you managed it at all?
How do I describe that the paradox, did, indeed, manage me! oooff! In a sense I realized that just by existing, just by "being" we are all equal to each other... and somehow, intuitively, my actions unfolded... I don't know, except I, in some way, gave myself "permission" to experience "doing nothing" or non-doing... although there was a time of great upheaval during this radical awakening experience that I refer to... that pushed me IN TO my LIFE. A "force", a compelling force, energy... that I could not resist, even if I had wanted to...
You asked: "simply by falling into it and out of that organically you simply find yourself engaged in various activities not requiring a thinking process?"...this feels close to it! 'Gotta love the paradox! And, "eventually" all paradoxes dissolve! I have reminders (or re-hearters) that I "used" over time. Though, they simply started to come to me, with the assistance of the daily listening to Eckhart Tolle.
This is nearly impossible to describe, the "how" of the way one's awakening unfolds. I have heard that many people are spiritual seekers. I cannot characterize what happened "to me" as a result of a 'search' –most definitely not the case for me. I know of folks who considered themselves "seekers" and then stopped seeking, and discovered who they are.
For me, I had a progression of experiences that culminated in a radical awakening experience; and this "experience" led me to come across Gangaji, Eckhart Tolle and Osho... and through their writings and talks, I came to understand what happened to me. In a sense I "down-loaded" the 'end' of the awakening at the beginning of it, and then, as things calmed down, I integrated what I "knew" in to my life situation, so to speak. And, in retrospect, I can take "the beginning" way back to childhood experiences.
All with intuition... so any "thinking" was often related to remembering something I already knew or connecting with ideas that made my body feel good. For example, as I felt stress in my body, I then knew that an idea related to that stress, was not real... "it was just a thought" and thoughts are not real...are not reflections of true reality. Life. Another, "re-hearter" I have used (in the past, the past that never existed, except as the memories) was to say to myself: "This moment is not so bad!" Or take one conscious breath. So, indeed, there are "things" that came about, that I did... though they are all part of the flow. I have a deep sense of Gratitude for every breath, every step.
I am very interested in the process that enabled you to surrender or as you suggested-- "surrendered" you. You speak of an upheaval. I hesitate to ask, believing my question absurd as it will compare external and internal and assume them separate, but can you point out the nature of the upheaval and its symptoms as you experience them? I am wondering about external circumstantial pressures whether societal or through relationship and how "doing nothing" or "being" was reached in such a non-deliberate manner.
The "upheaval" is in the realm of mystical experience. I have written extensively about this, particularly background experiences which culminated in this turning point in 2005 ... yet, now, each time I approach it, I question the purpose of the writing... and yet, this knowing within me, "the how" it came to me, via 'personal'** experience... has contained in it...a service to others, that as yet, I know not, how to proceed?
I have attempted to share aspects of it with others, often they are not "ready to hear it?"... And, the deepening of my "knowing" of the essence of the experience has unfolded. "I am dying to share this with someone in some meaningFull way!"
**personal experience, that today, has nothing personal in it... except to others around me. Maybe You can help me?