Oldriska Balouskova, 5

Interview with Oldriska Balouskova

Oldriska:

Thank you for the beautiful quote from the book on Upanishads. You say– "It sounds as if you have managed to drop much of the false border that we imagine between ourselves and all else. Can you describe this feeling and if there is anything you consciously "do" to return to it– if necessary?" It actually feels a bit different "each time"– and it is hard to describe– perhaps best described by poetry– but often there is softness in the perception and a feeling of perfection– the great symphony of life– and a feeling of being one with the fabric of life– with its multiplicity and with its unity. And a feeling that we are always one with all that is– but we are not always aware of it.

You can never leave me

As long as I can remember

That you are always here

How do I help myself remember? By accepting what is in this moment– even if it is a feeling of separation– by truly feeling that and allowing it to be– by feeling life breathing me– by putting attention on the chi/life energy in the body.

MP:

I like "one with all that is". Your poetic account of this experience is a delight. I am drawn in particularly by these words of yours– "accepting what is in this moment– even if it is a feeling of separation– by truly feeling that and allowing it to be" and it is clear from this that the "way in" so to speak, is through acknowledging and to allow feelings.

This is an interesting issue for me, as so many associate "being present" or "the awakened state" as being wholly blissful and so put a lid on feelings that are not entirely joyful. This leads to a suppression of what we might unfortunately refer to as "negative" emotions. Do you believe and is it your practice to completely allow feelings of any kind– that to feel fully is the key, regardless of what those feelings may be?

Oldriska:

It is my practice to completely allow feelings of any kind to be what they are– to give them space to be what they are– not to go into thoughts about them but to stay on the level of sensation and energy and feeling in the body– being present to me means being present with all that arises in the space that I am.

Not putting a lid on anything– anything at all– no matter how painful or scary it might seem– which does not mean acting it out or identifying with it– but just feeling the energy/sensation of it. For me, to feel fully is the key, regardless of what those feelings might be– without a doubt.

MP:

I think we have struck gold with this– so beautiful– so important. I believe that what you pointed out marks the important difference between understanding these practices intellectually and the actually practicing them. The truth of where we are reveals itself when serious feelings kick in. Do we trust these feelings and sensations or do we start interpreting them through thoughts?

Thank you so much for that. Incidentally, there is a great book by Osho on this subject titled "Emotional Wellness". Okay, I have another question and you can tell me whether or not you are comfortable addressing this, or not. What advice would you give those just getting started with meditation?

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