Rahasya, 03

Interview with Rahasya

MP:

Thank you so much for that account. I would like to get into some of the details if possible. I am particularly interested in your phrase "I still find what happened hard to define". I cannot help but ask you to try. Your writing is very good and flows well. My guess is if you gave it a shot we would both benefit. It's okay if it is a bit wobbly or stream-of-consciousness. It is very encouraging for readers to hear about heightened experiences.

Rahasya:

I tend to resist talking much about experiences in meditation … too much risk of giving people ideas about what it should look like for them. The ones I mention here are pretty safe, because one was very personal, the other probably pretty much generic. It was a residential retreat in a very remote place, the glint of satellites overhead being the only sign of civilization. Five days of a very intensive meditation schedule introduced me to new techniques, and took the practice I had to new depths.

After the group there was a night of celebration. During this, walking towards an open fire at one point, leaning into the gusting wind, time stopped. My body stayed still, one foot, mid-step. The wind stopped pushing against my body and seemed to pass directly through it. My awareness of my body and surroundings faded. For a couple of (perceptual) hours, I was treated to a vision. It unreeled like a movie, a series of images, like a slide show– always two men.

On the right, the first image was clearly my father. On the left, the first was a face much more like my own. These faded and were replaced with other, similar faces. The right hand face was clearly a relative of my father. The left one was similar to the first, probably related to him. They switched again and again. Suddenly I realized I was seeing two lines of my ancestry. On the right, the men who's raising, who's training I had inherited, the first of which had been the man who had raised me from birth, who I called father.

On the left were the men of my genetic inheritance. I passed through shock at this realization, got over it, because nothing was happening except this weird slide show. Curiosity arose, which quickly became interest, then fascination. I stopped wondering if this was some strange wish-fulfillment trick of my mind (I was adopted at birth, and had had years of unanswered questions) or if it was perhaps, in some sense, real. These paired images each had some feeling of the time and place, also the attitude and spirit of both men.

Although I saw them in sequence, they were available in my consciousness each in its entirety. I could review, examine interesting ones in more detail and compare the two lines. Eventually, I felt I had seen all i needed to see right now and more. I felt great gratitude for the experience. The wind pressed against me again, and I completed the step. Riding back from the group, alone around midnight somewhere in the middle of the 1000km journey another unusual thing happened.

There was a loud bang. My helmet was gone. I braked hard and turned back. There were just a few small pieces of it on the road. A few minutes later, riding bareheaded, I heard music– particularly beautiful music. Definitely a choir, but voices and a language that was completely unfamiliar– crystalline sparkle with fluidity. It seemed to be coming through my skull by bone conduction, more than via my ears. It faded away after more than an hour as I saw the next town's lights on the horizon.

As I mentioned before, from then on, meditation was a deep passion. For several years after that, I worked my way through hours of cathartic techniques a day, later on gentler, more traditional forms. Eventually, I started silent sitting again, and experiences like my first satori and these visions became relatively mundane– something to rush through without bothering much with them, just a step on the way to the void beyond.

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